The Story of David

Through the eyes of the therapist at Pathfinders:

When I learned that I was going to work with a boy named David, I reviewed his history. It said that he was removed from his mother at age 2 months for physical abuse and then went to live with his grandparents. They kept him until he was nine. Apparently, the grandmother’s health began to decline. They said that he “requires constant supervision during the day because he will break everything in our house and steal anything he can get his hands on. We cannot handle him anymore”.

I saw that from age nine to fifteen, he was placed in nine different treatment centers and group homes. His behaviors included leaving the foster home in the middle of the night to roam the streets, theft, taking alcohol to school, and fights in school. Most troubling to me were these last two entries: First, he was hospitalized when he told his foster parent of his plans to kill his grandparents with a knife that he had hidden in their yard. Secondly, he was locked up when he pinned down a foster brother and held a knife to his throat. The last entry is what prompted his admission to the Burke Center.

He came for his first therapy session and said nothing except “yes” or “no” when I asked questions. He did not make eye contact except once when he told me his name. David was an odd boy. He reminded me of a toddler rather than a teenage boy. He fiddled with some of the toys in the room but mostly he just stared at his lap and at the floor.

In the next several sessions, he did little in session but piddle with the broken guitar that I had sitting my therapy room. He still did not engage with me. He even asked to skip sessions with me—which I did not allow him to do. I suspected that in addition to his other emotional disorders, he displayed an attachment disorder. Frankly, I felt the prognosis for him was grim. It is very difficult for a child to recover from such significant multiple abandonments.

Frequently, when I discussed David with the counselors, they stated that his peers are usually mad at him because he destroys their property, lies about his behaviors, and threatens people. They told me that he has no friends and does not seem to know how to make friends. They stated that he secretly made a weapon out of a bone that he found out on the ranch and that he has to have one-on-one supervision because they are worried about what he might do next. At one point, he tied his shoestrings together and tied them around his neck and was attempting to tie the other end around the tree when they caught him. The counselors agreed that he seems most content when he is allowed to piddle with things that are broken. They said that he consistently wants to work on an old broken mower in the yard which has been sitting for years. It has no blades and is all rusted up and will probably never work. I deduced that David views himself as a broken object and is drawn to fixing broken things. I asked that they allow him to work on the mower when he is showing an effort to follow rules. On one occasion, we had to have our session in the admin office because the AC was out in our building. He was drawn to the piano. He cleared items from the top of the upright piano and opened the front of it and took out some papers that had fallen in. He looked at how the piano made sounds as he pressed the keys. The only discussion that he initiated was to say that the piano was covered with dust and junk and had trash inside. He added “If you take care of stuff, it lasts longer and it takes care of you”. In my notes I wrote: “Perhaps he views the piano as a metaphor for himself—neglected and longing to be heard”.

He played the piano during the next session and smiled slightly when I told him how melodic his playing was even though he had never had lessons. Finally, I felt it was time for me to ask about his family. He reported “my mother threw me against the wall when I was eight weeks old and broke my leg in two places and I haven’t seen her since I was three. She is missing. I haven’t ever met my father but would like to meet him someday. My grandparents took care of me until I was nine years old. They were like my mom and dad. But then, they didn’t want me anymore because I am bad. I got to visit with them about a year ago. He played the piano again in our next session. He smiled more broadly when I reflected my feelings about his music. He seemed to be pleased with himself when I told him that the music seemed to come from somewhere inside of him and that it was remarkably beautiful. It was as if he was taking his first steps in becoming a “real boy” rather than a broken thing. Eventually, he began the habit of running up to me when I came on campus, to ask if he could be seen first. He would say “I have something important to tell you”. He was beginning to get attached to me.

After being at Pathfinders for about eight months, he began to talk about how he is learning to play the guitar that we gave him for Christmas and how he is earning merit badges. He talked about his excitement related to an upcoming camp out and anticipates catching a fish (which he had never done before coming here). He was also really happy because the staff agreed that he could go to the store to get some WD40 with his own allowance. He smiled when I asked about making friends and said that one of the boys sometimes talks to him and apparently the other day had referred to David as his friend.

One day, as I was working in my office, I heard a commotion outside. I walked outside, I heard a lawn mower running and then I saw something that will always remain a high moment in my life. There stood David under a tree beaming from ear to ear. He had finally fixed that old lawn mower! The boys, teachers, and staff were high fiving him, and administrators were running out of the office toward him and all were clapping and overjoyed. For David, this was transformative. He was no longer broken. He was no longer left to himself to sit and waste away.

In our later sessions, he would ride his bike, the one that he had fixed, to and from our meetings. I began to notice in our group therapy sessions, that David was giving his peers very mature and good advice on how to problem solve. He was helping them to overcome their fear of reaching out to others. He was beginning to see himself as a role model for others. This was reinforced when his peers voted him as their Patrol Leader in Boys Scouts. His grandparents were absolutely astounded by the changes that he had made. After much family therapy, he began to go to their home for extended visits.

Finally, after about a year and a half, we began to talk about David’s future. When I asked him what qualities he was hoping to find in his foster home, he stated that he wanted a parent that he could trust and talk to when he had questions. He also was hoping that he could continue scouts and music. He said that he hoped to continue to learn about cars since he had taken classes while here at Burke Center. David expressed that he would like to stay in Burke Center’s care since we were like his family. However, his CPS Caseworker said that he would not do well in a therapeutic home because she felt that he needed more supervision based on his past. She wanted him in a group home with day counselors.

When she told this to David, his response was remarkable. “Don’t you know that I am a good boy now? I am a patrol leader, I am a role model, and I am able to make the right decisions now. Haven’t you noticed that I am different? Please give me a chance to live in a normal family. I will make you proud.”

Finally, she agreed to give it a try. He went to live in one of our Burke Center foster homes with a foster mother who is known to do well nurturing teens. After several months of being there, the foster mother reported that David has many friends that have come over to hang out with the family. She said that he was asking to go to school early every morning. Initially, she became suspicious about this request and sent her older son, who is very responsible, to check it out. After observing for a few days, he reported back to her that sure enough David was hanging out with a group of friends telling jokes and being generally funny. He reported that these were good kids and that, as a matter of fact, he wanted to start going early too so that he could also hang out with them.

Back at the ranch, on a few occasions, the kids that knew David, when asked why they were making good choices, were heard to say “I just thought about what David would say in this situation”. You see, David has taught many of us life lessons.